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Iíll always love you, for now I am alone.

By.Brady Smith

More than I can fathom You are the one that made me all the good things I'ím today, and ever was, and will be. Loneliness makes the heart grow fonder they say. But I feel this isnít true, for now when my heart beats it becomes fainter with each moment that you are gone from my life. In the night sky the Stars no-longer shine as I look up upon them, nor do the birds sing there songs in the morning sky. Some days are good and some days are bad, but every day without you I'm deeply sad.

Since the first day the sun dawned upon my open eyes you were there with a smile, to brighten my day and fill me with joy. My heart beat strong, when I looked into Your blue eyes, they shined like the reflection of the sun off ripples of clear blue water in the ever flowing sea. And when I heard your soft warm voice, it soothed me so I could sleep, making the night safe. Then when I spoke, you heard not only my words but my soul. And now you are no longer here to hear my cries or to brighten my days. I know you would if you could, but you no-longer can. For now Iím truly alone.

You not only loved me but you loved the world, smiling to every one you saw and caring for every one that needed to be touched. You put your own safety and needs aside to personally help other people. You were afraid but still you did it, for it was right and it gave you joy to do so. You were the only person in the world that I could share all my loves, dreams, and my sorrows in my life with. And when I was beat down I would call and cry confiding in you what was hurting me so. Then the tears would begin to fall from your eyes as well, because you felt for me, and let me know that I was truly loved in this world. Hours which seemed like minutes passed when listening to your voice, and my tears would stop for when we said our good byes there was always a smile on my face and love in my heart once again. Your words that you shared with me were always compassionate and supportingly true, you would do anything for me, and love me fore what ever I do. The times when I did wrong you didnít punish me, you told me I was better than that and I truly let you down. To let you down hurt me more than any kind of beating or hurtful sinful words that any one could give me. You made me believe that I was something better, and know that I hurt others aswell as hurting my self.

I can still hear the prayers that you would pray for me at night as we knelt down beside the bed. "May the Lord bless you , may his face shine upon you and may he fill you with his peace". You were the one thing I love most upon this earth, I would do anything for you as you would for me and may other people. In this sick and cold hearted world, were too many people are fake made of paper mache. You were one thing real in this world to me to every one you met. For you were the one place were I felt safe and warm, were my soul could rest and be at peace. You were the one person I looked up to, my best friend that I could talk to, and most of all you are my mother. If it werenít for you I wouldnít be alive here to day. For you gave me life, by loving me unconditionally more than you loved yourself, and gave me a reason to live.

I hope that I donít let your love die, not just by casually remembering you, but living my life every day in a holy and truly compassionate way sharing and loving everyone as you did. To smile upon the world as it tries to burn and crush your soul, and to stick to what good things you believe in no matter what the cost. To really feel, to touch, to give, to cry, to forgive and to truly love all of Godís wonderful creations. That is what you did, and that is how you will live on in me. You were a woman filled with more grace and love, than any person Iíve ever seen or heard of. And Iím truly blessed to have had you. I just wish that you could have touched every ones life on this planet as you did mine, because it would truly be beautiful place to live in. You were one of the few most beautyful things of this world. For you were fulled with so much Love, and now that you are gone it is a sader place. Most people are greater in death than they were in life. You MomMom, you were greater in life. You were an angel on this earth. Now you have your wings. You have your wings. Good bye MomMom, Iíll always love you, and I Thank You from the essence of my heart and soul.

Each time I would see your face and hear your voice, you lightened my heat and touched my soul, for I was like a small child again with not a care or worry in the world. I could fly free with imagination, and my hopes and dreams known no bonds. You were the sun brightening my way, for you made sure that I could see. And your hands would always be there to catch me for when I fell. Now my heart is no-longer light for it is always heavy. The gravity pulls it, and the strain becomes stronger and stronger day by day. I feel pieces of my heart tear away and fall to the cold ground below. I try to hang on to whatís left, but each day another piece is just ripped away and falls. I just hope and pray that there will be something left when night comesÖ The something you gave me.
So few know how I feel, or what's it like to loose the purest and greatest love you had since the the first day of your exsistance. Your undying love for me will live forever, but I will not. For if there is one thing that I must do in my lifebefore that happens, Is I shall try to share, touch, and love all the people that I can as you did. Even thoe it may hurt at first It will make me feel much better in the end. But no one calls, no one sees, and no one hears me. You see I am alone.


These words have been written as a tribute to my MomMom Dorithy Ellison Smith. 12/19/96.