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Holidays Aren't What They Used To Be, Any More..

Holidays aren't what they used to be any more..

Holidays used to be a time filled with joy and love, because you were there. You always made the days bright and the storm clouds disappear.

I still dream of looking into your blight sparkling eyes and hearing your soft warm voice, but then I wake and it feels like it was a nightmare because now you are no longer here…

Now on holidays and days when I need you. I feel so empty and lost. I try to keep going, but I stumble and fall like a child running around scared in the dark night.

No more joy do the holidays bring,
they only remind me how alone I am.
How empty I feel with out your pure warm unconditional love and how much sadness fills that open void in my soul.

You were the only one that could complete my thoughts before I could say them,
the only one that could feel what I felt beside of what I said to you.
Your love was with me since my time began on this earth.
And now that's all gone..
it's gone…
your gone.

I miss you telling me how truly special I was and I didn't deserve what I got.

I miss the feeling of what a joy it was for you to see, speak, and hear me.
But what I miss most of all is not being here for you…
It gave me such a great joy to surprise you and brighten your life as you did in mine.
To give and share with you all that I ever was, and now there is noting.
No one to share my love, feelings, thoughts and desires. No one to look for me, and now I have no one to look for anymore. .

Some days, these days I'm knocked down and cant get up.

I struggle and only to wear myself out.

and Now the littlest of things tear at my soul.

All it would take is a little sprinkle of your love to make things better.
But now
I'm at the edge of a cliff,
and I'm being pushed off.
Once you were there to pull me back, but now. . you aren't anymore
and each day I loose more ground.

Mabey I will feel a as strong love in days to come with a as special woman or child,

but it will be always different.
Never again will I be baby, to be read to and rocked to sleep.
Never again can any one confort and protect the young innocent child from the monsters in the night.
Never again can any one be there for my first step.

And now I'm lost.

For now holidays, are when I walk the cold disserted streets alone with no place to go,

I can hear the echoes of laughter and love form the homes around.
I envy them and feel good for them, but at the same time my wombs reopen.
I pray that they realize what they have. For tomorrow it will be a memory.
For I have no place to go.

I have seen and felt my darkest day.

The day you and your love left this earth.
And now holidays are. .. . days
Days to remember.

Days to be alone.

Days to cry.

Dark days .

For now the Holidays are nothing but memory's.

nothing but a memory.. . . .